There is no greater predictor of a young man’s life than if they 1) grew up with a father or 2) grew up without a father. And Brig, Soren and Reidar not only had to grow up without a father, but had to daily manage the emotions of an unstable, and delusional mother. Watch the “Joker” movie and you will comprehend the impact of daily managing the mother’s delusional narrative about the father.
The boys lost childhood is now irrevocable, with the twins having reached 18 years old. The saddest part is that the harm could have been stopped early. The harm was caused by the willful and deliberate actions of Lise-Anne, their own mother. It was not caused by disease, or an accident or natural disaster. It could have been stopped, but the community, legal system and government services did not stop it–even with desperate pleas. Like many, they prefer to divert their eyes from such wickedness, and pretend that such wickedness does not exist in a mother, it is too disturbing to imagine.
So while justice is not possible for the Putnam Boys, redemption in adulthood is possible. The boys can be redeemed in adulthood by entering reality, and engaging with family and friends who interact with love, and escape from a mother that uses them as a weapons of blackmail and emotional regulation. Other adult children of Parental Alienation have redeemed themselves, and while the odds are slim, redemption is possible when they are confronted with facts, evidence and reality.
Lise-Anne has a pathway to redemption also, but her redemption only comes through a painful mea culpa, and taking responsibility for her actions. There is no other possible path. When you comfort Lise-Anne’s tears, or you half-close your eyes to her abuse of the children, or you are too timid to ask her obvious questions about evidence or logical inconsistencies, then you only delay her path to redemption. You are doing her no favors.
I don’t seek revenge, imprisonment or any harm to befall Lise-Anne. I also don’t want to prevent the boys from having a relationship with their mother. Truly, I am not bitter or resentful. In fact, I have forgiven her. Lise-Anne truly does know not what she does. Instead, the emotion I feel is an immense, inconsolable abyss of despair. It is truly heart-breaking the destruction of our family.
What I seek is a “Truth and Redemption” path forward, like the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa led by Nelson Mandela. “The Truth” is necessary for redemption, as painful as it is for people to hear the Truth at times. I am not bad-mouthing Lise-Anne, nor am I denigrating Lise-Anne, nor am I lashing out at her to be punished for her crimes. I have forgiven her. I am simply speaking the Truth for Redemption, and for the chance that my boys can regain contact with reality.
When we bury the crimes of past, and continue to live a life full of lies, we are bound to repeat them. In fact the suffering will only be worse in the future. It is critically important to endure the pain of speaking the Truth today; for each of us to grow and learn and become better human beings tomorrow. It is about redemption, not justice.
Brig, Soren and Reidar must regain an attachment to reality to be successful in life. There is no other path. Drugs, delusions and wanton violence are not ingredients for success. Lies Destroy Lives, and Truth is the adventure of a lifetime.
Redemption awaits them,… it is only timidity and cowardice at facing uncomfortable truths that could derail it.
Be Brave.